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COMMENTARY: Cynicism, resentment toxic twins

  • Published
  • By Jeanne Morrow
  • 446th Aerospace Medicine Squadron
MCCHORD FIELD, Wash., --  You've found an occupation that matches your skills and interests and pursued it.  Your expectation is that you will love your job, get support from your management, and receive positive feedback from your customer.  What happens when those expectations are not met over a long period of time?  We can get disappointed, dissatisfied, burned out or in the very worst case, become a cynic.

Hopefully, we all start out in our professions as optimists.  But, cynicism sets in when our expectations and reality do not match.  It is often joined by its toxic twin, resentment.  We feel cynical about our work and resentful of those who enjoy their work.

When a worker has been nurturing feelings of cynicism and resentment, they are not typically satisfied in keeping it to themselves.  It begins to creep into their surroundings; infecting others like a nasty virus.  A truly miserable cynic may attempt to take everyone down with them.  It helps them validate their feelings of dissatisfaction if they can convince others they too should be miserable.  The cynic uses tool such as peer pressure and arrogance to poach their colleagues to their side.  "This place sucks."  "No one will listen to you."  "I have seen it all."  If you are not a world-weary cynic like them, you must be stupid or naïve, or so they believe.

If they are persuasive enough, they can become the dominant force in the workplace.  If a new, enthusiastic worker is introduced, they will endure a sort of hazing from their cynical counterparts who try to convince them being cynical and being experienced are the same thing.  They are not.

It is good to be realistic.  It is healthy to be skeptical.  It is toxic to be cynical.  And it's mean.

It happens in our personal lives too. Like those unhappily married individuals or bitter divorcees who try to shatter the illusions of the newlyweds who believe they have discovered eternal bliss.  What purpose does it serve to inform people that marriage is constant work? They will learn that in time.  A newlywed should be afforded the opportunity to be young and idealistic and fall in love.  It is a significant life experience.

And a young professional should not be denied the experience of finding joy and pride in their new profession, especially by a burned out, misanthropic colleague.

The Solution
It takes courage to stand up to a cynic.  They will attempt to equate your enthusiasm with inexperience and your pride with ignorance.  They may attempt to convince you their cynicism is indicative of authority, experience and real competence.  They may treat you with disdain and condescension.

Be strong and stay your course.  In reality, the cynic is insecure, sad and needs some help.  They have realized if they act confident, people will believe they are confident.  With time and consistency, they will learn you are a stronger force than they are.  And who knows, maybe you can convince them to convert!

For supervisors, be aware that if you are not alert for this person, he or she can infect your entire department.  And a cynical department becomes your legacy.  No one wants to work there and no one wants services there.  Everyone else talks about that negative, miserable department.  Good people will leave and the negative people will stay.  Who else will have them?

It's me!

What if you recognize that you are possibly the cynic?  While it may be true that you have experienced some disappointment and disillusionment, how can you make it productive?  Don't wait for others to institute changes.  Suggest them yourself.  Make a plan.  Make guidelines to improve the areas that are lacking.  It is easy to complain.  It is not so easy to make changes.

Become a mentor for new, inexperienced colleagues and embrace rather than reject their enthusiasm.  Remember when you felt that passion about your job.  Let it be a rite of passage and not a privilege that you snatch away with resentment.

Even if you decide you need to leave your employment, consider the legacy you want to leave behind.  Your identity is attached to how you performed, what you said and how you treated your colleagues.  That is an aspect of your career of which you have full control.

Most of all, recognize that you may need some help.  You can regain some of your enthusiasm.  You can find joy in work again.  But again, the first step has to be yours. Reach out to someone you trust and say the words:  "I need help."  This is an enormous burden you have carried.  Free yourself from those toxic twins:  cynicism and resentment.  The person who has suffered most from your cynicism is you.